Bed & Breakfast Etiquette

I have owned the 1847 Blake House Inn B&B in Asheville, NC for 4 years. As an innkeeper, and business owner, I have a very personal interest in this business and in maintaining this majestic 160+ year-old house. I have only taken care of this house for a short period of time, but in order for it to still be standing, there is a lot of work that goes into its upkeep.

Blake House was converted into a bed and breakfast in the early- to mid-1990s and the last 16-17 years has seen a lot of traffic come through this house. The wear and tear on a bed and breakfast establishment is tenfold compared to the average residence. No surprises there.

What I hope to convey through this article is for those who are seasoned B&Bers or are contemplating going to a B&B and don't really know what to expect. B&Bers (and I count myself in this group) have expectations about the house they are visiting and Innkeepers also have expectations beyond collecting payment. It's not that simple.

If you consider some of the points I will be discussing, it will go a long way in insuring that both sides have an enjoyable experience.

Innkeeper's Etiquette

As an innkeeper, I have a duty to provide comfortable, clean, maintained, and safe accommodations for my guests as well as a service-oriented attitude.

• Comfort - Legitimate inns (those that are registered and pay taxes) are governed by local and state standards and get inspected. My inn is inspected twice a year by the Health Department. As part of the inspection, they check your mattresses, sheets, pillows and pillowcases as well as the workings of your bathrooms (water temperature, lighting, etc.). Beyond the basics, as an Innkeeper, I try to make sure that my beds are comfortable. That means that I sleep in them myself so that I can see if they are squeaking, lumpy, etc. I can't always rely on a guest telling me because each guest experiences something different and a hard bed to one person may be just what another guest needs. I replace my pillows as needed and in 4 years, I have replaced the mattresses on all but one bed. Along with bed comfort is room comfort. Again, some people like cold rooms, some like them hot. When I purchased the Inn, half of the rooms didn't have a/c so after the first year, I had a/c installed in all the rooms and replaced the old a/c for the rooms that had it with a new a/c. These are not small expenses and it took me a little longer than I had hoped to replace the old a/c, but I did what I could to keep the rooms cool. Heat in the winter can be an issue depending on the weather outside. The first floor has 14' ceilings and the second floor has 12' ceilings. Heating rooms with massive ceilings is very difficult, although the second floor stays warmer because the heat rises. Keep in mind that retrofitting a stone house with modern heat sources can be more expensive than is feasible. We have a combination of gas fireplaces, central heat, and space heaters throughout the house to deal with the cold, but not all rooms stay as warm as others. We do what we can and regular B&Bers understand the idiosyncrasies of old houses.
  
• Cleanliness - Again, I have certain health standards that I am required to maintain, including food storage and temperatures, water temperatures, general cleanliness of the Inn, etc. In addition to the Health Department, being a member of certain Associations and trade groups requires additional inspections. Mine is a pet- and child-friendly B&B (a rarity) so it's doubly important to clean the rooms after children and pets. There is no animal smell in the house at all which helps when you have hardwood floors and tall ceilings. Yes, there are times when my housekeeper misses something, but we rectify it as soon as possible. It is very easy for an older house to get run-down and it can happen much quicker when the house is used as a B&B versus a regular residence. Guests bang around their belongings, marking walls and putting dings in the plaster. It's important to paint every year or two and to repair holes and cracks as soon as possible so that guests don't have to experience dirty walls. It's ongoing and keeping up with the cleaning needs of a 5,500 square foot house takes a lot of time.
  
• Maintenance - The maintenance on an old house is time consuming; the maintenance on an old house used as a B&B can be a full-time job. The sheer amount of foot traffic in and out of the house causes wear and tear on the original hardwood floors, the carpets, rugs, etc. I've replaced just about everything in most of the toilets, shower and sink fixtures, and even the showers themselves. If the average life of a piece of equipment is 5-10 years, cut that in half for a B&B. Weather conditions reek havoc on carefully tended gardens, windows and roofs (same as any house), but at a B&B, it's almost impossible to let something go. Guests want to see that everything is maintained and you can lose business if your gardens and flowers are dead. The sheets, pillows, blankets, towels have to be replaced more often than the average house. Dishes get broken more often, dishwashers break down quicker. There is a lot to keep up with when maintaining a B&B, not your average home repairs. It is my job to keep the house in as good of shape as possible while trying not to change too much about the historical architecture and feel of the original house.
  
• Safety - This is often a huge expense and one that the average B&Ber doesn't know about. A B&B is in a house, but in most cases, they are not treated as just a residence. They fall into the commercial fire and safety codes. These codes can be so restrictive to a house that you can't even have a B&B over a certain number of rooms because the changes that would have to be made to the house to make it compliant would not only be cost-prohibitive, but would destroy the historical integrity of the house. For example, my small B&B has to have a commercial fire alarm system with alarms in every guestroom and room within the house, plus horns and strobe lights, exit signs, and emergency lighting. In a house of 5,500 square feet, the noise generated by even one of these commercial alarms can be heard across the parking lot in the Carriage House, but the city requires that each room have one, a big, big expense. In addition, if there more than a certain number of guestrooms, this takes the Inn into a different stratesphere as far as emergency exits and/or a sprinkler system. In an old house, having to install a sprinkler system can ruin the house. In addition, the liability insurance on a B&B is a massive expense. It's not like getting homeowners insurance. Not only do you have to insure your contents for loss, theft, damage, etc., but you have to insure the property for injuries to your guests. This insurance by itself can be too expensive for an owner. Don't get me wrong, guest safety is extremely important and something I don't take lightly. The issue I have is that there is no distinction between a 200-room hotel and my 6-room B&B. B&Bs are treated like these large commercial properties instead of the niche market they occupy. Building codes make it almost impossible in some cases to expand your business or make changes to your house. My duty is to provide a safe place for guests to stay and most innkeepers take this very seriously.
• Service-oriented attitude - As an innkeeper, there are certain traits you must possess to be successful. First and most important, you must like people! If you are not a people person, you will upset a lot of people. By nature, I am a curious person and I enjoy learning about the lives of my guests, where they've been, what brought them to my place, etc., etc. If you are a loner, your body language and conversation will show your guests that you'd rather not be with them. As an innkeeper, it's proper to ask questions and get to know your guests, but it's also safe to say that there are certain topics of conversations to avoid: religion and politics. Both can be volatile. It's also important that an innkeeper be a morning person. If you are grumpy in the morning until you've had 5 cups of coffee, innkeeping may not be for you since you are up early preparing and serving your guests. Breakfast is usually the time when an innkeeper interacts the most with their guests and you need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Lastly, guests rely on the innkeeper for information about the area, recommendations for things to do and directions, and someone who can help with questions. Good innkeeping etiquette dictates that you make sure your guests know where you are typically, how they can reach you at any time (having a cell phone is a must), and that they can count on you for any reason. They are in a strange house and don't know where things are. Have a pleasant attitude when they call 3 times to ask the same question. Do whatever you have to do to make sure they remember their stay at your place, and not for the wrong reasons.  Being accessible is key.
  

For the part of the Innkeeper, I got into this business because I like people, I wanted to own my own business, and I enjoy home improvement and decorating. I like talking to guests and I don't mind if there is something you think I can improve (I don't know it all). Some of the best changes have come as a result of a guest's suggestion. This leads us into the second half of this hub: Guest Etiquette.

If you take nothing else from this Hub, keep in mind that how a guest approaches an innkeeper goes a long way. You have every right not to like something in your room, the house, something that I cook for breakfast, or me as a person. How you tell me of your problem (or even something you like) is the trick. I am integrally involved in this house and this business so I take everything to heart. This is a business, but it's also my home. The two cannot be separated. Be diplomatic and tell me the truth. Writing a nasty review or making a snide comment probably isn't as productive as a straight conversation would be. I want you to enjoy your stay, help me make it so. I may not agree, but I promise to listen and will respect you for being upfront.

There are a few things that every B&Ber should know or consider when staying at a bed and breakfast:

• Not all B&Bs are created equally. In order to remain viable, B&Bs can no longer be mom and pop operations (although there are some and they want to keep it that way). A B&B is treated as a business and some are even owned by corporate entities and run by managers. I say, to each his own. Some guests may like that; many B&Bers still want the personal contact. At my B&B, I incorporate a little of both. I'm here, I run the place, and I live on the property. I check-in, check-out and take care of guest questions, concerns, etc. At the same time, I try to stay out of the way. Most guests will see me at breakfast, during check-in and check-out, and sporadically throughout the day if I'm cleaning the house or working outside, but I keep a low profile otherwise. Guests don't want to feel like they are being watched or as if I may pop around the corner at any moment and talk their ear off for an hour (I know of an innkeeper that stood behind doors or around the corner to make sure the guests were "behaving" properly). As a guest, if you need more face time, ask for it (not in those words). You can call me and I will come over if you need assistance. If you want a tour of something, ask and I'll be happy to show you. Otherwise, I will give you privacy and will plan to chat with you at breakfast. That's my style; let me know if you have a different need.
• If something goes wrong, speak up! It's okay if you break something or if something you are using malfunctions, just let me know rather than trying to hide it. I expect this stuff; it happens. I think most Innkeepers would rather you told them of a mishap rather than finding out after you left, wondering what happened. If you can't work your DVD player, call me. I'll walk you through it over the phone or come over and show you personally. That's what I'm here for. I think that many B&Bers are embarrassed to to let the innkeeper know of something negative, but I'm telling you that it is okay.
• It's an old house, expect some quirks. For example, a few of my steps near the second floor squeak. They squeak, oh well. Old houses tend to moan and groan more than newer ones. in some cases, it could be haunted. Not in mine (I would not have bought a haunted house because I'm chicken). Also, as I mentioned in the Innkeeper section, things break easier/faster in a B&B. Whether it's because it's an old house or because of excessive usage, you can expect it to happen. I've gotten good at dealing with crises, although nothing has ever happened to a guest or guestroom that was catastrophic. Pipes have frozen and burst in the kitchen, but thank goodness, not in a guestroom.
• Policies versus House Rules - The business has written policies regarding cancellations, checking in and out, minimum stays, deposits, etc. Policies provide guidelines for the business so that everyone is treated fairly and they serve to protect the business' interests. Not every B&Ber is honest so B&Bs have been forced to become more business-like. My feeling on House Rules is that my guests are adults, not children. They don't come on vacation to be treated like children so there's no curfew and people can come and go as they please. My only real house rule is that I ask guests to lock up whenever they come and go. It is not only a safety issue, but when I am not here (grocery shopping or whatever), I don't want non-guests walking into the house when it is unattended. Most B&Bs have guest books in each room with a list of policies, rules, emergency procedures, local information, and more. Read through those books and many of your questions may be answered.
• I serve breakfast at the same time every morning because I am one person doing everything by myself, but other B&Bs may do breakfast differently. Check with your innkeeper in advance (some even have breakfast information on their websites) so there are no surprises about when food is available. I am able to accommodate dietary restrictions, just tell me in advance instead of as I'm setting your plate down. I post what I'm serving for breakfast the day before so guests can notify me of restrictions or preferences before I cook everything. Everything goes in the oven at the same time and comes out at the same time so if a guest comes to breakfast 20 minutes late, they are most likely going to get something that is getting cold and/or soggy. The proper thing for a guest to do is to call the Innkeeper if they are running late or are not coming to breakfast so that their food can be held over for them or not made and wasted if they aren't coming. If you oversleep, don't sweat it, it's okay. Saying nothing keeps the Innkeeper wondering, so the proper thing to do is to call and give a heads up.
  
• In addition, if you think the innkeeper isn't aware of what goes on, you're probably wrong. Remember he/she knows the house inside and out. While the innkeeper may not say anything to you during your stay about the fact that you used the white towels to remove your make-up (even though facial cleansing towels are provided), they know when they tidy your room or clean it out. Some places charge for damage to sheets/towels that doesn't come out in the wash. Taking a white towel on your hike with your dog is not a good way of promoting happy relations between guest and innkeeper. The etiquette on this is to treat the house and things inside the B&B as you would treat your own possessions. Would you use your nice towels to clean up messes or maybe an old, scrap towel? If you aren't sure, ask the innkeeper.
  
• Noise - this is not usually a problem, but realize that you are in a house with rooms in close proximity. Loud music, TVs with the volume turned all the way up, loud sexual activity, yelling, etc. can and most-likely is heard by other guests. Be cognizant of others, but you can act normal. You don't have to whisper or tip-toe around. Other guests expect to hear normal activities like walking around and talking. We're child and pet friendly so guests who come here know that there may be the pitter patter of little feet throughout the house. If you are visiting a B&B with lots of expensive antiques that caters to an older clientelle or people on super romantic vacations, the expectations regarding noise and behavior may be different. You should be able to get the feel of the house and the innkeeper either through their website or when you check-in.
  
• Have an open mind - If you are a first-time B&Ber or a seasoned guest, always keep an open mind when going to a bed and breakfast. What makes each one different may not appeal to some people, but those who go to B&Bs go for the very same reason, because they are different from a hotel. Each experience will be unique and things that may go wrong turn out to be funny anecdotes and something you'll remember. Also remember that innkeepers are not allowed to have bad days or be sick. As a single owner, even if I feel terrible, I can't let that show. I may not be talkative one day, but it's not because I don't want to (obviously I like people or wouldn't be in this business), but I have a life that affects me just as yours does you. I do my best to hide anything negative from my guests so before you assume that I'm unfriendly, ask if there is something wrong. That may just be the opening I need for a great conversation. For my part, I will do the same for you.

I hope this information is helpful. I could write a book (a short one, granted) on B&B etiquette, but I just wanted to get some basic information out there so guests know a little of the day-to-day things involved in a B&B and to answer some questions that guests have about how to act at a B&B versus a hotel. Here are a couple of additional resources for information: http://www.ncbbi.org/B-and-b-courtesies.php and http://www.ehow.com/how_5109484_stay-bed-breakfast.html.  Let me know your thoughts and if you think I missed something important, I will be happy to add it.